From Prometheus Alerts to 500 Job Apps: When My SRE Agent Terrorized LinkedIn
·1402 words·7 mins
It is a well-established law of homelab physics: if a task can be automated, it will be automated—until it violently consumes your entire digital existence.
In our Night-Tower setup, our self-hosted Hermes Agent (containerized on docker-vm and wired to NVIDIA’s Nemotron 70B endpoint) has had exactly one job for the past six months: ruthless Site Reliability Engineering.
Hermes lives in a world of pure, unadulterated paranoia. Her brain only understands five nines of uptime (99.999%), CPU thermal throttling, killing runaway memory leaks with SIGKILL -9, and screaming into our private Discord channel whenever a ping packet dares to take longer than 2.4 milliseconds.
So, naturally, when I got tired of scrolling through the endless dystopian wasteland of modern DevOps job listings demanding 70 job titles, I had a brilliant 2:00 AM homelab idea:
“Hermes, write a browser automation script, parse LinkedIn jobs, tailor my resume to pass ATS filters, and submit applications for senior infrastructure roles. Keep it efficient.”
Twelve minutes later, my LinkedIn account was flagged for automated domestic terrorism, a Fortune 500 VP of Talent received a P0 PagerDuty escalation alert, and I was officially in the candidate pool for Chief Astronaut at NASA.