ZeroTier

It is 11:42 PM on a Sunday. Your homelab is purring softly. The Grafana dashboards are all green, Plex is transcoding smoothly for your cousin in Ohio, and your local DNS is resolving ad-free at blistering speeds. You take a satisfying sip of tea and open HackerNews for a quick nightcap. Then you see it. “Show HN: Minor Telemetry Edge-Case Found in [Your Current VPN’s] Key Exchange Protocol” Panic sets in. Your heart rate spikes to 140 BPM. Your teeth chatter. Within four minutes, you have opened a terminal, SSH’d into your core router, deleted your configuration files, and embarked on a full 3 AM infrastructure rewrite—leaving your spouse entirely unable to watch The Office on local Wi-Fi. Welcome to the Great Homelab Mesh VPN Paranoia.